Bit of fun

[CASS]

An Irish farmer named Seamus had an accident with a lorry ,and was sueing the lorry company,
In court their hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus..

Solicitor

'Now didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' .

Seamus

'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the...'

Solicitor

'I didn't ask for any details','Just answer the question. Did you not tell the police officer, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Seamus

'Well, I had just got Bessie into the sidecar and I was driving down the road....'


The solicitor interrupted again and said,

'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor:

'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded.

'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the sidecar and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit me right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the policeman came charging across the road, gun still in hand, looked me up and down, and said,
'How badly are you hurt?'

'Now what the F**k would you have said'?

[morecambe mick]

Like

[Keith]

Superb!!! First good, new joke I've heard in ages

(Now watch as someone says its ancient!)

[shrimpnsave]

Superb!!! First good, new joke I've heard in ages

(Now watch as someone says its ancient!)

its ancient

[CASS]

Girl Power:

A GIANT C5 Transporter was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc ...

Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell , and crew take you safely to Afghanistan '

An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself,

'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? '

When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'

'Yes,'! said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.''My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member,
'We No Longer Call It The Cockpit'

'It's The Box Office.'