The second leg tonight - how it will pan out

[cultured]

I've plotted it out.

Sammy to start with the following line up.

Roche; Parrish, Bentley, Haining, Artell, Wilson; Drummond, Panther, Duffy; Jevons, Mullin.

Subs are Davies, Curtis, Moss, Hunter, Taylor, McLachlan, Wainwright. I am assuming that Stanley is still injured

The first ten minutes pass without much incident, until a fulffed backpass results in a Morecambe corner. Hunter whips it in, and then big Dave Artell nods the ball in at the near post, its one nil to Morecambe. A muted cheer goes up, ironic songs of "we're going to win 7-0" etc etc etc. The North Stand salute his 8th goal of the season. Morecambe, with their tails up, charge at the Daggers defence. Wilson is unplayable on the left - Duffy, looking like the ginger Ryan Babel, is giving the Dagenham defence kittens but too often is his cross finding the netting behind the Umbro stand.

After that and an impasse of around 20 mins, the unthinkable happens in first half stoppage time. A long bomb by Barry is nodded on, and from 35 yards, Jevons just puts his foot through the ball on the half volley. Beaker is rooted on the penalty spot as this thunderbolt rattles against bar and drops behind the goal line to make the score line 2-0. The North Stand goes wild - its the best strike at Christie Park since Matty Blinkhorns effort against Aldershot. The main stand, are so stunned that 27 of them clap, and Christies Child wonders what all that racket is about, and someone gets him his pie and bovril and he calms down a bit.

All of a sudden, the half time atmosphere is "surely not" "nah, don't even bother getting your hopes up" then with rousing selection of camp 80's pop and late 90's dance coming from Mids and Mark S in the conservatory over the PA, excitement builds as we await the arrival of our heroes over the white line for the start of the last second half at Christie. McIlroy has decided that its well worth a go for it. Haining has been brought off for Curtis, and essentially been just chucked up there. Morecambe are not going to bugger about here, its not going to be pretty football for the last 45 minutes, just an aerial bombardment for the centre halves of Dagenham to endure. There appears to be very little system involved as the game kicks off, other then the back 4 and Panther protecting them, chase the game in midfield and defence and hump the ball to the big men who then attempt to lay it off to the tricky players to conjure something up. From the kick off, Mullin plays it to Hunter who humps the ball into touch somewhere near the opposing corner flag. We press the ball and win it, Duffy on the ball, skins Mark Arber, but look he's felled by the advancing Tony Roberts! PENALTY! ITS GIVEN! Much back slapping by the North Stand as JEvo steps up, sends Roberts the wrong way and sends Morecambe 3 goals up. Sky are telling their other sports channels to tune into this game as some magic may well be occuring on the hallowed turf of Christie Park.

The North Stand is deafening. The old terrace favourites are out that the old timers know, not some chant that the young 'uns have heard on YouTube and the noise makes the hairs on your arse/back/neck (delete as appropriate) stand on end. Wave after wave of aerial bombardment comes in with long ball after long ball tusselled for when suddenly, on the hour, the ball falls to Wilson on the left, who takes the preverbial out of the right back once again, cuts inside, skips past the centre half and lashes a shot on goal that THUMPS AGAINST THE POST. A cry of Oooooohhhh goes around the North Stand, but the ball falls to Mullin, who hammers the ball goalward, but again Roberts saves! Not to worry though, as along thunders Drummond to caress the ball home to make it 4. The noise now is unbelievable. There are several hundred people climbing on top of the Car Wash and a few hoping over the car wash wall. Tony Roberts is visibly rattled. He's getting all manners of abuse, Christies Cat has blown a raspberry at him and everything. Christies Childs bovril has gone right through him and he's needed to go the loo and missed both goals (there was a big queue) and he still thinks its 2-0. The hearing aid is still not working so his carer stops bothering trying to tell him.

Wainwright is brought on for Panther to give us almost an 1940's formation of 3-2-5 whilst Dagenham have gone 9-0-1. Real belief has set in for Morecambe when suddenly on 81 minutes, a long clearance from Dagenham falls at Paul BEnsons feet and he's clean through. Benson, with the 169 travelling Dagenham fans willing the ball in, beats Barry Roche, but the ball squeezes agonisingly past the right hand side post. The North Stand breathes a sigh of relief.

From the goal kick, Barry pumps the ball long. Curtis wins the ball, Wainwright on to flick on. Plays a neat one two with Jevons, hes in on goal, the fans are going crazy, but his shot is parried away by Roberts for a corner. The ball is send over by Hunter, and whos there to knock it home for 5 nil but the man for the big occasion, ANDY PARRISH. The North Stand is going bonkers, people are looking like spilling on to the pitch, but the wall of stewards consisting of spotty teenagers, some soccer mums and Lurch from the Addams family somehow manages to convince them that its a bad idea and the crowd return behind the crash barriers to relative safety.

This is it now. The Sky audience is up near 30 million. The wall to the car wash has been kicked down by the hoards of people clambering over and the attendance is now around 15000. The stewards and the fire brigade have given up all hope of any kind of Crowd Control. The 169 Travelling Dagenham fans are now slightly worried for their safety should they hold on. But they need not worry, we are a friendly progressive club with no hooligans save the idiot that throw the can of Stella on the pitch at Dagenham, and frankly who blames him. Stella is horrible and even worse out of a warm can in some Essex hovel.

The 4th referee/linesman/official/fatherless child in the black/self pleasurer in the black/short sighted gentleman in the black who has forgotten his glasses (delete as appropriate) has put up the board. One minute of added time. This brings some much bile from the North Stand as the referee had to stop the game for 5 minutes whilst John Still did his hair.

With ten seconds left on the clock, Morecambe are awarded a free kick. Wide right level on the 18 yard box. Hunter drills the ball in. Curtis is a mile off side and in his last game for the club at Christie Park, he guides it home. Everyone stops, expecting the flag to go up. 20 seconds go past, but the flag doesn't go up. The referee blows his whistle and points towards the centre spot. GOAL! MORECAMBE HAVE DONE IT - 6-0 on the night and 6 all on Aggregate. The place is going mental, the TV audience is now 45 million, The news at Ten has been cancelled and theres a surge at NPower as everyone watching the game at home now goes to make a nice pot of tea.

Extra time is a scrappy affair where nothing happens other than a big queue on Morecambe Road as no Number 2 buses can get through the throng of people trying to jib in over the rubble of the Car Wash.

So that takes us to penalties. Our 5 are all looking confident. Jevons, Curtis, Drummond, Artell and Wilson are our 5. We go second and the first 4 are scored from both sides. Josh Scott runs for the 5th for Dagenham and slots it past Baz. The weight of a 100 million global audience and 50000 at the ground is clearly weighing deep on Lols shoulders. He spots the ball, kicks it goalwards and finds the singers in the back of the North Stand.

The crowd go quiet. The 169 Dagenham fans are ecstatic, if not a little concerned about how the hell they are likely to get home, but WHATS THIS? The referee is ordering a retake - Roberts was 3 steps off his line when the penalty was taken! Great relief at Christie and Wilson gets another go! He is more confident this time, wrong foots Roberts and sending the North Stand potty. Sudden death. Whos this for Dagenham but non other than the Goalkeeper Roberts. The abuse from the North Stand is deafening and more than a little bit out of order. The advice of the small child about football being a family sport at kick off has long since been forgotten. He goes for power and he hammers the ball goalward - BUT AGAINST ROCHE'S LEGS! Unbelievable scenes at Christie as the fans go mental, which are made doubly loud by the cheers of JIMBO JIMBO JIMBO as Bentley makes the long walk down the pitch.

The place falls deafly silent. Jim places the ball. Tony Roberts complains that its not on its spot. Theres a small bit of finger pointing and pushing going on. The ref sorts them out. Roberts goes back to his mark. Bentley takes a 9 step run up.

Then, in slow motion to all watching the game, Bentley runs up, then at the last moment slows down, Roberts has already committed himself and Bentley chips the ball in to the unguarded net. MORECAMBE HAVE DONE IT! 79998 peoiple invade the pitch - Christies Child and his carer had left at the final whistle thinking we'd only won the tie 4-0 - Bentley is carried off a hero and we're off to Wembley again where we lose to Rotherham in a crap game in front of 15000 people as the ticket prices were £50.

The end.

[abc123]

Genius.

[marky No.1]

I've been drinking that stuff as well and very good it is too. Thing is I had Jim scoring the winner in the 118th minute when we were all expecting penalties

[Ntini]

Get writing a novel

[Plain Peter]

Sammy to start with the following line up.

Roche; Parrish, Bentley, Haining, Artell, Wilson; Drummond, Panther, Duffy; Jevons, Mullin.

Subs are Davies, Curtis, Moss, Hunter, Taylor, McLachlan, Wainwright. I am assuming that Stanley is still injured

The first ten minutes pass without much incident, until a fulffed backpass results in a Morecambe corner. Hunter whips it in, and then big Dave Artell nods the ball in at the near post, its one nil to Morecambe.

Sorry Jackanory, but Gaz Hunter is on't bench! Or have you forgotten to tell us about an early substitution?

[paulshrimp]

Brilliant!

[cultured]

Sammy to start with the following line up.

Roche; Parrish, Bentley, Haining, Artell, Wilson; Drummond, Panther, Duffy; Jevons, Mullin.

Subs are Davies, Curtis, Moss, Hunter, Taylor, McLachlan, Wainwright. I am assuming that Stanley is still injured

The first ten minutes pass without much incident, until a fulffed backpass results in a Morecambe corner. Hunter whips it in, and then big Dave Artell nods the ball in at the near post, its one nil to Morecambe.

Sorry Jackanory, but Gaz Hunter is on't bench! Or have you forgotten to tell us about an early substitution?

we play with 12 players but no ones noticing

[George Dawes]

seriously i think SM as to gamble got nothing to lose got to go for it

i think he will change formation there's no point playing 4 defenders to mark 2 of there strikers

he will play 3 center backs in the middle and use wing-backs out wide


3 5 2

--------------Roche
-------Haining Bentley Artell
Duffy Hunter Panther Drummond Wilson
-----------Mullin Jevons

or he could play Wainwright in there and play Duffy in the hole behind the front two and i cant see Stanley being fit with a hamstring injury to last 90mins? he only pulled it 2 weeks ago ?

[Mike (D&R)]

we play with 12 players but no ones noticing

All that just to have the result turned over after the game for having 12 men. Shame

[Heysham_Shrimp]

Uri Geller was on Radio lancashire this morning saying we should all be thinking positive thoughts and chanting "Win Morecambe Win".

[George Dawes]

Uri Geller was on Radio lancashire this morning saying we should all be thinking positive thoughts and chanting "Win Morecambe Win".

with everyone rubbing a spoon at the same time like euro 96

[Plain Peter]

we play with 12 players but no ones noticing

You're wicked you are!
If a Dagger had written a similar tale before Sunday's game he'd have been ridiculed.
So you never know

[Keith]

We press the ball and win it, Duffy on the ball, skins Mark Arber, but look he's felled by the advancing Tony Roberts! PENALTY! ITS GIVEN!

Roberts can't complain, he should have been sent off, dirty sod!

Great read, sadly filed in the fiction section (for goodness sake, our stewards would never let anyone climb over the Car Wash wall!)

[shrimper]

Uri Geller was on Radio lancashire this morning saying we should all be thinking positive thoughts and chanting "Win Morecambe Win".

Aye - I told him to get his powers working and turn the clocks back (I did say 'to 3pm on Sunday', forgetting about the early kick-off but you get the point!)