O/T Cruise Holiday?

[Christies Child]

We HAD thought about a cruise holiday this year...and then we found this..

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldne ... -boat.html

[Bare bum]

So, were you not aware that seas occasionally suffer force 9 and 10 storms?

Sometimes CC you're like a newly arrived entity who has absolutely no experience of this planet we all live on.
Sorry to feed your paranoia but have you also not heard that aeroplanes sometimes suffer turbulence or crash out of the sky and that road vehicles sometimes spin out of control accross the middle of busy motorways, that bolts on fairground rides sometimes fail, that tidal waves sometimes swamp beaches, that earthquakes sometimes topple holiday apartments that, that, that..................................

Sorry mate, I guess you'll be staying at home this year eh?

[Keith]

The Daily Mail said...

Passenger Caroline Richmond, who paid £750 for the ten-day trip, told the Mirror: 'Everyone felt sick.'

Someone else's story they lifted or someone forget who they worked for???

Passengers uncomfortable when sea turns rough... obviously the cruise company's fault...

which leads me to these beauties!

This was sent from Thomas Cook Holidays - listing some of the guests' complaints during the season.


"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

"On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

"The beach was too sandy."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

I love the hairdressers in particular, although 'startled children' is special too, especially as it became a running joke on The Now Show last series Some people shouldn't be let out on their own, let alone allowed to travel!

[Christies Child]

So, were you not aware that seas occasionally suffer force 9 and 10 storms?

Sometimes CC you're like a newly arrived entity who has absolutely no experience of this planet we all live on.
Sorry to feed your paranoia but have you also not heard that aeroplanes sometimes suffer turbulence or crash out of the sky and that road vehicles sometimes spin out of control accross the middle of busy motorways, that bolts on fairground rides sometimes fail, that tidal waves sometimes swamp beaches, that earthquakes sometimes topple holiday apartments that, that, that..................................

Sorry mate, I guess you'll be staying at home this year eh?

[Curly]

So, were you not aware that seas occasionally suffer force 9 and 10 storms?

Sometimes CC you're like a newly arrived entity who has absolutely no experience of this planet we all live on.
Sorry to feed your paranoia but have you also not heard that aeroplanes sometimes suffer turbulence or crash out of the sky and that road vehicles sometimes spin out of control accross the middle of busy motorways, that bolts on fairground rides sometimes fail, that tidal waves sometimes swamp beaches, that earthquakes sometimes topple holiday apartments that, that, that..................................

Sorry mate, I guess you'll be staying at home this year eh?

that,that,that......black panthers prowl on westgate

[Gnasher]

Those piccies should be a caption compo ....


Captain over the tannoy system;

"FFS CC, stop jogging up and down the ship"

[Christies Child]

Those piccies should be a caption compo ....


Captain over the tannoy system;

"FFS CC, stop jogging up and down the ship"

[Mighty Red]

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women" writes Elaine from the IOM.

[marky No.1]

aeroplanes sometimes suffer turbulence or crash out of the sky and that road vehicles sometimes spin out of control accross the middle of busy motorways, that bolts on fairground rides sometimes fail, that tidal waves sometimes swamp beaches, that earthquakes sometimes topple holiday apartments that, that, that.............................

and sometimes a Morecambe player has a shot from outside the box!

[marky No.1]

We HAD thought about a cruise holiday this year...and then we found this..

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldne ... -boat.html

A cruise is a great way to holiday, to see and explore places and islands that you would otherwise never go to. Once on board there is a wealth of things to do - or you can do absolutely nothing! Ideally you will sail during the night then when you wake up you have arrived at a different venue and you simply choose whether to get off or not.

In the meantime there is always somewhere open for food on board and I will guarantee that you would put on at least half a stone per week!

I would recommend withoubt doubt a fly/cruise so that you don't have to travel on the "open" sea. Much better to try the Med. or the Caribbean to get a feel for it first.

Friends of ours heard of how we enjoyed "smaller" island cruises but fealt they had to sail from Los Angeles to Hawaii. Half way there they wanted to get off and when back on land they cancelled the sailing trip and flew back to the mainland!!

[halfwayliner]

C.C Go and see Sue, (Sammy's Babe. Morecambe rep) for Thomas Coook in Lancaster, she will give you some good advice on cruises.But she will not be in this weekend.

[marky No.1]

But she will not be in this weekend.

I don't know you just can't get decent staff - can she not pop back in around lunchtime tomorrow 2C CC in person - or has she got something else on?

C.C. Sue is Ace

[Christies Child]

Have a business contact at Cruise Connetions in Caton who will probaly be helping 'er indoors' when it comes time to book...last minute as usual!

[Christies Child]

aeroplanes sometimes suffer turbulence or crash out of the sky and that road vehicles sometimes spin out of control accross the middle of busy motorways, that bolts on fairground rides sometimes fail, that tidal waves sometimes swamp beaches, that earthquakes sometimes topple holiday apartments that, that, that.............................

and sometimes a Morecambe player has a shot from outside the box!

....steady on....you'll be telling us next that we'll be signing somebody this weekend!

[morecambe mick]

Can Sue book us on this cruise haywayliner?


Ideal surprise honeymoon........................

I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania ).

The cost is a bit high @ $800 per person double occupancy but I didn't find that offensive.
What I found encouraging and enlightened is that the cruise is encouraging people to bring their 'High powered weapons' along.
If you don't have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat.
They claim to have a master blacksmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days).

All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates.
Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package:-
$800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing) M-16 full auto rental $25.00/day
Ammo, 100 rounds of 5.56 armour-piercing ammo at $15.95
AK-47 rifle @ No hire charge
Ammo 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo at $14.95
Barrett M-107 .50 cal sniper rifle rental is $55.00/day
Ammo for 25 rounds 50cal armour piercing is $9.95

Crew members can double as spotters for 30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).
Far Out ---- they even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads
"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am ."
Meals are not included but seem reasonable and most cruises offer a mini-bar.
These gung ho entrepreneurs offer......... get this ....."MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire" Sign my ar*e up!
They advertise group rates and corporate discounts...... and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"

They even offer a partial money back guarantee if not satisfied.
Here's some text from the ad: "We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund half your money back including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included)..
How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention.
Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before May 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the calibre of your choice.

"As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials:"
I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!"----Lars , Hamburg Germany"

Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0-PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English" Ned, Salt Lake city , Utah USA

I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM . Don't worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their *hitty aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam" "chopper' Dan ---- Toledo USA .

"Like ducks in a barrel. They turned the ship around and we saw them bleed and cry in the water like little girls. Saw one wounded pirate eaten by sharks--what a laugh, riot!! This is a must do.---Zeke-Minnahaw Springs Kentucky USA

[Keith]

Did you see the company that is offering this trip?

[Plain Peter]

I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan) ....

Getting to this embarkation point could be as challenging as the cruise.

[marky No.1]

Can Sue book us on this cruise haywayliner?


Ideal surprise honeymoon........................

Now that really would bring tears to his eyes!

That reminds me I've loads of pics to put on here from Saturday - must go and find 'em

[morecambe mick]

Can Sue book us on this cruise haywayliner?


Ideal surprise honeymoon........................

Now that really would bring tears to his eyes!

That reminds me I've loads of pics to put on here from Saturday - must go and find 'em

The two statements were seperate.

[halfwayliner]

I think she will find you a (Boat trip) Mick

[morecambe mick]

I think she will find you a (Boat trip) Mick

I hope not with you and your dodgy engines!!!!!!!

[Keith]

Don't know why the image didn't work...


Just follow the link.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_orkXxp0bhEA/S ... stries.jpg