Need cheering up?

[morecambe mick]

Check these:






GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.




GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.



GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.



THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.





SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . .having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

[Freez]

Nice one, that helped Mick!

Nailing jelly to a tree is true!

Up The Shrimps!

[Shrimpsscene]

brilliant post mick


oh so true...............

[morecambe mick]

I don't want any sarcastic comments about the journey back from Accy from my lot, after reading this!!


Letter of complaint to Sir Richard Branson!

[CASS]

Letter of complaint to Sir Richard Branson!

Great Letter,could have been written by Bob Newhart.

[Mark S]

Now that is what I call a proper letter of complaint!

I had tears rolling down my face and had to read it again.

Funny, funny, funny!

Mustard Richard, MUSTARD!

[Aal]

Nice one thanks for that. Some great one liners to throw in when folks are down!!

[skyecat]

talking about Richard Branson:

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/blog/editors_c ... cle/11975/

[Andy]

Oh f*ck ! I hope they improve before July, I'm booked on a 9 hour flight with them ! I can see me puking up in Orlando lol